December 18, 2006
I just had a pizza delivered
and the entire time he was here, the pizza guy kept up a littany of pickup lines, trying to get me to go out with him.
I told him I was too busy, because I'm a TA. His response?
"Maybe you could teach me something, you know what I mean?"
Ew. Yes, I do know. Please go learn how to hit on women. Or better yet, stop trying.
so, so emo.
I suppose I should count it as a step in the right direction that this is the first time in at least a year when I've been prevented from going to sleep by crying.
It's my own fault. I can't seem to get this grading done. I wish the deadline had been sooner, maybe I'd have been less of a fuckup.
So I feel stupid, because I can't get this done. I feel guilty, bad, angry and sad that I'm not home yet, and I could have been - and that I won't be going home tomorrow. I feel guilty because my family is putting off decorating for Christmas until I get there, because I enjoy it, and because of my own unstoppable fuckupness, I'm preventing them from getting to it.
I can't find any presents for my father.
You can continue to read, if you feel like indulging my 'oh my life is so sad' whining.
I hate my bank account. At this time last year, I had enough extra money to take a trip to MN. At the moment, I'm freaking every time I look at my balance. Why? Because I have friends now, and I do things like go out to eat, and I think that's basically over a hundred dollars at least a month I'm not saving.
I'm getting worse, OCD-wise. It's reached the point where it is actually disrupting my life. I have to go back into the apartment to check things, sometimes several times, sometimes after I've driven a third of the way to campus. This is despite being on medication that costs me $50 a month because my insurance may as well be from a Monopoly-game. I'm terrified I'll get halfway to St. Louis and start freaking out about the apartment bursting into flame. WTF is wrong with me?
This semester has just been so horrible. I was at LUSH yesterday, and at one point, I said to the person there: "Yeah, basically the only fun times I've had all semester were at LUSH." And I realized...that's true. The high points of my *entire* life this semester has been going to a store. And I wondered why I haven't been able to get out of bed in the mornings, lately. I honestly feel like everything has just been sucked out of me and I haven't got anything left. Certainly not enough to get these fucking grades done.
I just want to go lie down somewhere quiet, possibly with a cat, and whimper. I can't even really eat chocolate because it's giving me heart palpitations.
Two steps forward, one step back, I guess. I'll just count this as my step back.
Everyone keeps telling me how far I've come and how good I'm doing...and I want to scream. I don't feel like I've come so far. I just feel like crap.
December 17, 2006
resolutions
I cannot let this happen to me again next semester. I'm just not capable of dealing in a relatively decent manner at this point in the year.
So much grading. I don't even want to be here anymore.
December 03, 2006
Thanksgiving Night
So, here is the long-overdue pictorial entry about our Thanksgiving Dinner. I so hope I do this right.
This is our dinner. I made the green bean casserole and the turkey (I even fried the onions myself, with hot sauce as Emeril suggested.) Cara made the stuffing and Lisa made the mashed potatotes.
Bam!
The soup course: lentil and potato soup, and acorn squash and black bean soup, from Cara's glorious kitchen.
Bam!
Dessert was fresh pumpkin pie, and black sticky gingerbread.
And we ate. And ate. And ate.
And there was much rejoicing.
Well. Very slow rejoicing, with an accompaniment of groaning and snoring.