November 12, 2004
still angry
Overheard at dinner tonight:
"My dad voted for Bush because he thought Kerry was a liar. He was convinced Kerry had this conspiracy to raise taxes."
...
If you voted for Bush, I hate you.
the one-fingered salute
There are people that I know voted for Bush. I have to hide my...disgust, my complete and utter loathing, my rage and my hatred from them, because I have to have classes with them. I have to live beside people who put up happy things about Bush on their door. I hate this. I hate this so much.
I hate this state. It has always been just a little bit backwards, but this year it chose to dive down into a morass of bigotry and stupidity and republicanism. God. I never thought I would feel this way about republicans. I know some of them. And I - it just hurts.
I found myself wondering yesterday what I would do if I found out one of my relatives had voted for W. And...the best I could do would be to just walk away and not talk to them. Because I would want to just grab them by their shoulders and shake them and scream. Like I want to do with half the country.
What is *wrong* with us?
My myofascialist was talking with me yesterday. She said my hips were way out of alignment, and I didn't know why they were so bad this week. And then she said: Well, you've just had the foundation ripped out from under you, haven't you?
And I have. I - I think that, deep down, I trusted this country. Even after the past four years, I trusted it, because part of me could say that we didn't elect him, that we would know better. Because part of me remembers the US under Clinton. Part of me kept pointing out how far we'd come.
Then, one day, I learned that we hadn't.
And the conservatives are gloating. In a cruel, spiteful way, saying that 'democrats need to learn to follow American morals' and 'ha ha, you educated liberals, we beat you' and what does that say about them? What does that say, that they have given up on all pretense of uniting? There will be no union unless we go to them, and we WILL NOT. We can not.
I'm staying.
This is not my country anymore. This is not my land. It's their land, and they took it from me. They made me an alien in my own home, in the place where I grew up and learned and came to hope for the future. They upended me and laughed and told me to learn to like it.
Fuck that.
I'm staying and I'm fighting. Not because I want to. Because it's the right thing to do. Because I was raised to believe that every person makes a difference, because all of those little differences add up together. Because I don't want to just back away and watch America solidify itself in a state of ignorence, bigotry, stupidity, violence and conservativism.
I'm going to fight, and I'm going to rage.
I'm going to do something.
So fuck you, conservatives. Fuck you, Bush-voters. You haven't won. You won't win.
I won't let you.
Rachel's journal entry, the one up right now, is truly moving. I just thought I should mention that.
November 10, 2004
an acknowledgement
I have not posted since the election.
I wanted to put up something to at least mark what had happened, because I couldn't let it go without at least saying something. But I was too upset to say what I wanted to.
I don't even know if this is what I wanted to say, but it's a start.
An Open Letter of Apology to the World:
I am sorry.
A terrible thing has happened in the US, something that will likely negatively affect the entire world, and it must be acknowledged.
I did not vote for George Bush - but this is not an excuse. My country did, and so I am as responsible as the evangelical Christian next-door who would love to see me burn in hell. We are all of us responsible for it.
My country voted out of ignorance. It voted without exploring the facts - it voted with the idea that it had no responsibility to those facts, and that to try and look at the facts would somehow violate ‘patriotism’; or at least the newest lie parading as a once-trusted ideal. Patriotism in this country was never a blind following of one man - until now.
My country voted out of arrogance. It has somehow come to the conclusion that other countries do not matter as much as it does, simply because it has been successful. It voted based upon the assumption that it is so superior that it must not answer to anybody, yet that it has the authority to bend other countries to its will. Because it has fallen for the conservative idea that America has some sort of mandate that makes us exempt to anything not directly in its best interest (even though that something may be what is best for the world as a whole). Because it has decided that those who do not support our every single move are our enemies - for so it must be with any group that believes it is always right.
My country voted out of bigotry. It rushed blindly to the polls because a concept frightened it - because it suffers from the rule of a ‘moral’ majority that is so uncertain of its strength that it cannot stand up in the face of differing values - a majority that believes the institution of marriage is so weak that it could not withstand any sort of an attack. A majority that is so fearful of other belief-structures that it would give away the separation of Church and State gladly for the religious protection that would bring.
My country voted because somewhere along the line, we decided that we no longer cared for the values that founded it. Because one tragedy has led millions of soccer moms to forget that this country is not a guaranteed safety net. This country was not founded for safety - it was founded for freedom. It was built on the blood of those who truly believed in the adage ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death’. The voters have forgotten all of that, and given over true patriotism for a selective blindness.
My country voted with a disgust for education that is shameful. It voted with a dark laugh at all those ‘academics’ who vote democrat. It voted with its mouth full of the taste of sour grapes, in a country where it is no wonder that the education system is so bad, if so many people despise learning.
My country voted out of paranoia - out of the idea that a stockpile of guns will somehow guarantee personal safety and personal liberty, instead of simply making it more likely that a child will shoot himself or a friend.
My country voted out of stupidity, choosing a president because he was more ‘likeable’. It chose for president the man who would be the most fun at a card game, rather than one suited for the job.
My country voted out of cowardice, allowing itself to fall into the perfect trap set by many terrorists. We voted for Bin Laden’s favorite, the one who will strengthen his cause.
My country voted out of a smirking conviction that if rich liberal movie stars like someone, he must be defeated just to make a point.
My country voted because two buildings became a symbol to people who were not there, when those who were did not vote so.
My country voted out of a thirst for revenge that will never be quenched.
I sit here in my chair, an American citizen, and I am shamed by my countrymen and by my government.
My country voted out of fear;
And I am so, so sorry.
November 03, 2004
america, america, god shed his mercy on thee
There is a great swath of red across the center of our country.
The color of blood. The color of fire. But it's not a cleansing one.
I am deeply afraid.
I am afraid because Bush being in office will directly affect my life.
I am afraid because Bush being in office will directly affect the lives of so many people who aren't a part of this country, who never wanted anything to do with this country.
I am afraid because the fact that he has gotten so many votes demonstrates the stupidity of the masses of this country.
I am afraid because I do truly believe that if you do not give me liberty, give me death; and we have a president who has made people forget that, forget that freedom is the most precious thing we have, and is the very foundation of this country. Or what this country used to be.
I am afraid because I cannot trust in the future.
Please, for the love of everything that is precious in the world, please don't let him win. Please let Ohio vote for Kerry. Please, please do not allow this man to run the country for four more years.
Please, do not punish the world for our stupidity.
Please.
America, America,
God mend thine every flaw
Confirm they soul in self-control,
thy liberty in law.