October 31, 2004
the green knight holds the holly bush
I can see the lights in the distance
trembling in the dark cloak of night.
Candles and lanterns are dancing, dancing
a waltz on All Souls Night
It's Halloween, my second favorite holiday, and the last gasp of sanity before Yule arrives and the Lord returns from the underworld.
I'm trying this 'cut away' thing, for those of you who don't want to listen to my ramblings about witchcraft and halloween.
I'm working on things I don't feel any particular wish to work on, and it annoys me so. Papers suck, and I really wish I'd been less stressed these last few weeks, so I could have enjoyed readying myself for Halloween. Ah well.
There are times when my religion is extremely important to me, and times when it's something in the background. As the year draws to an end, I usually find myself feeling it much more, feeling my connection to the cycles of the world much more accutely. When there is so little sun, I can literally feel it going down, even if I'm inside. It's a very odd sensation, something sub-physical, with a tinge of despair.
When I first came to Witchcraft (ironically enough, while I was at a Catholic high-school) I found a very Lady-centered approach. It was not Dianic, though the writer who first gave me a nudge in the direction of paganism was (Gael Baudino, if you'd like to read some of her books. I'm afraid they're all out of print right now, but Strands of Starlight changed the way I look at everything). I was aware of the Lord, but for a long time he always stood firmly behind the Lady, and was something I could not relate to, much less pray to.
And then I went to college, and for the first time my seasonal affective disorder got really bad. And I became aware of the great affect the sun had on me - aware of how much I loved it. Of how being in the sun after several days of gray skies made me euphoric. And suddenly, I understood why people worshipped the sun. Now, my approach to the divine is much more balanced, though at any given time I might be more drawn to one than the other.
Halloween is the end of my year - the end of the year for many pagans. Some of them believe it is also the beginning. Others feel that the year begins at Yule. I do. Until then, we have what's called the Dead Time. "The time which is no time". The veil between worlds is thinnest tonight. It is the time of magic, of spells, of communicating with the dead. It is also a time to celebrate the last harvest. The Lord has descended to the underworld, and the Lady follows him to wait his birth.
Celebration and mourning. The old year passes, but the new one has not yet begun. It is time to contemplate, and to rest.
October 27, 2004
flip flopping - now I'm imagining Bush as a landed fish.
Bush has flip-flopped. Now, he still supports the constitutional amendment of bastardy, but he things GLBT people should be allowed to have civil unions. One week to the election.
Hmm.
C'mon, Bushie, that's pretty sad. Even for you.
In other news: I really enjoy putting my hair up with chopsticks. Especially when they're pretty ones with mother of pearl inlay. Mmm.
October 25, 2004
and they called him Jerzy...
I spent all morning writing my presentation.
I know I should have (whoops, that's naughty. Should is a bad word according to my cognitive therapy book) written it over the weekend. I had enough time. But...it was like I was in a thick fog. I just couldn't make it happen. I did look for information on Joseph Papp, who I'd said I'd do, but there wasn't anything. That was okay, I decided. Because when I first asked Becky I had two choices, and she said either was okay. So I went with my second. Jerezy Grotowski.
I worked all morning, and it was annoying. I was tired, and it wasn't coming together, and everything written about the man was very complicated. And then, just as I'd finished the writing, my computer fucked up. And like that, half of the presentation was gone. And my handout. So I cursed and yelled, and wrote it again.
Managed to print it up and make copies in time for class, and at that point I just relaxed, because it was almost over. Until the guy before me got up to do his presentation.
On Jerzy Grotowski.
On the upside, I didn't have a panic attack. My face did that thing where it gets really hot and then my skin hurts, but I don't turn red. It's so odd. And then I was supposed to go, and I had to announce that I couldn't, because it was on the same person.
Becky felt bad, because apparantly she'd told Steve to talk to me about it, or something. At least check in with me, but he hadn't. So at the end of the class, I filled in a few things he hadn't said. Whatever. Fuck that class and the horse it rode in on.
At least it's over with for now.
October 21, 2004
now, cats can't wait to get wet
This is the opening of a cat food commercial.
I suppose the Cardinals won. People have been running up and down my hallway, screaming, for an hour or so. On and off, of course. And now there are some of them outside. As much as I'd like to run up and down the halls, and scream of course, I would feel trampy if I did so for the Cardinals. People are so weird.
I have my test tomorrow. And every time I try to study I...don't. I don't know. I waver between 'I'm going to fail' and 'Oh, it'll be fine'. I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry during it, though. God, I hate Lee. ::sigh::
Whinebitchwhine. Also, anyone who wants to be lovely and send me letters for my column, please do. themissmarquis at hotmail, because I can always use them. Thankya, thankya.
Rachel already wrote about the plane crash here. In fact, she's the one who told me abou the plane crash, so I don't really see the point in writing about it more.
Hmm. I feel mildly like getting drunk tomorrow night. Maybe I will.
you're a figment of my imagination.
I don't want to make Katie's heart bleed. That makes me sad. I wrote something today, which made me very happy. I had the idea walking back from Lee's stupid class of hating hatery, and I sat down and just wrote. The whole process took a little over half an hour, and...well, whatever it is, I think it's fun. I enjoyed writing it. Yay!
Tomorrow I have to study. A lot. I hate Lee, and his class, and the fact that sometimes he has this white goopy shit in the corner of his mouth. STOP BLOWING YOUR INVISIBLE BOYFRIEND BEFORE YOU TEACH OUR CLASS, LEE!
I also get to meet with my mentor. Hee! I have a mentor. Which also means I have three english people to give me reccomendation letters. Or, I will, anyway. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-::cough::
I'm done.
October 19, 2004
also!
Bryce is wonderful.
And I got my history of science test back with a 95, yippie! My essay about Aristotle (which I suspected was lovely) didn't have a point taken off.
There, that's more cheerfuller.
you don't need smoke to saw a woman in half
I haven't updated in a long time. I've generally been trying to escape stress, and so most of the time when I sit down and think 'I should really put something up' I start to feel like it's just another thing I have to do, and then I get grumpy and dink off to read fic or something. And that's very naughty of me, I know.
I'd like to get dressed up, right now. In a costume, with a long black cape. As the phantom of the opera, I think. With the white half-mask. Make that a satin-lined opera cape, the best kind. The kind that swirls around. And then I'd like to go wander around campus like that.
I miss people. Last night I dreamt that Rachel was still here, and we were looking at classes for next semester. It was really nice. And then Carl called me, and I started wishing I could cook something nice and invite him over, because I think he was the first person here I really cooked for, and so I get all nostalgic. And I want Carrie to throw tater tots at the television with me, and Kyle to give me one of his awesome Kyle-hugs. And then I want Brenda and Beth to come over and watch survivor, or something.
And wow that sounded whiny, but I guess I feel whiny right now. I want my people back, dammit. And no matter what happens, I won't get them all. I'll never have them all back in the same place, where they're all accessible and close.
::Sigh:: Sorry. This entry should have been happier. I've actually been in a quasi-decent mood all day. Oh well, I apologize.
Writer's note: Jesus H. Fucking Christ! For some reason when I went to do this, my moveable type opened up in Palaceofwinds, and I accidentally posted it to Rachel's blog. I'm trying to get rid of it. ::Shriek::
October 17, 2004
test update
This just in:
Steph still hasn't gotten her History of Science test back.
I think we all ought to write to the teacher and complain.
October 15, 2004
I don't know why but:
Steph has the day off today. Fall break, I guess. I think all the rest of us should mope and whine about how we don't also have the day off.
Or, conversely, we should be made to lavish fabulous gifts on the working schlubs, provided we are among the few and lucky who do have the day off.
I still have not heard how her test went. I keep forgetting to ask. I did, however, spend part of this morning browsing her amazon.com wishlist, in preparation for giving my recommendations to all of you, her fine readers, concerning appropriate holiday gifts. While said wishlist is a nice place to get a feel for the sorts of things Steph likes, I would caution against actually using it as a shopping list. For one, there are severely outdated items there, and we can't be entirely certain which of them she does and doesn't have. For two, she has some things on the wishlist that I know for a fact she owns, like the first season of Buffy. (Granted, on the wishlist this appears in a four-box set; still, waste not your money on four boxes when she would be as well-satisfied with three.)
The real gem of the wishlist, however, is the Xena dvd collections. These I know: a) she does not currently have, b) she has wanted desperately for a long time, and c) she will not buy for herself, as they are exceedingly expensive. Though, a tip for you: you can cut the amazon price by at least half by searching around a little for a better price -- and I'm talking new, not used. Used may be cheaper still, and as Steph herself likes to be used now and again I am confident in saying she would not mind a gently-used set of said dvds.
And that's all for this stalking report informative article about Steph.
October 05, 2004
updates
I don't think Steph's going to post here any more, so I will.
Last Friday she had her first big thing in directing. I can't remember if it was called an open scene or if something else was called an open scene... But anyway, it was had. There was some trouble getting an actor at first, but people came through, and it went off swimmingly.
So congrats, Steph!
(She also had her first History of Science test last Thursday, but I imagine she'll just be getting the results today, so I haven't heard about how that went yet. I'll call tonight and find out for y'all.)