palace of winds

So, I finally saw The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre The Passion last night. It was…not what I expected. I mean, I know what ‘the passion’ is, but I was expecting something more in the ‘Life & Times of Jesus’ vein. Ah, in case you haven’t seen it and don’t want to hear any more, I’ll cut:

There were the intercut scenes of his past — which were a necessary (I wish I could think of a stronger word for ‘necessary’, because that’s what they were) relief — but they weren’t explained at all. I mean — Well. I’m not a Christian but I was raised Presbyterian, so I understood lots of the references. But I really wanted to come at the movie as if I didn’t know Christianity at all, and I found I really couldn’t. I guess I can’t really say whether that’s a limitation of the movie or of my imagination, but it seems that it would be rather confusing for someone who didn’t know the religion.

That’s mostly because there was no real plot, which brings me to my next point. Which is: there was no plot. My expectations coming in probably colored my perception of this as well, but I found myself glancing down at the timer on the dvd player, wondering how long the intro was going to last before the movie really started. While I was watching, it seemed to drag on and on and on interminably, but now that I think back it feels like a short movie because there’s not a lot to it plot-wise. They beat the crap out of a guy for two hours and then kill him. (Note: I know he’s not ‘a guy’ to a lot of people, and I don’t say that to be offensive. I’m just trying to communicate my experience of the movie.)

Maybe that’s my own religious views getting in the way. Because now that I think about it, I like lots of movies where there’s not a lot of action. Not much happens in ‘Lost in Translation’ — it’s more about the people and their relationships. But it didn’t feel like a short movie to me the way this does. Could have something to do with the abundant use of the slow-mo shots as well. Everything took five times longer to happen on screen than it would take in real life — which is valid, I suppose, as I’m sure someone going through it would experience it as taking much longer than it actually does. I think Jesus’ best scene was the opening, which really did pull me in. He was very human then as he doubted and wrestled within himself to accept what he knew was coming. And I was thinking the movie was going to really kick and show him as, well, human. But I really lost the thread of that as it progressed — I felt like I lost touch with him entirely as he became less a person and more a beaten body, and the movie became about everyone BUT him. Maybe Gibson was trying to make a point with that.

Mary stole the show, hands f’ing down. Mary’s what got me to watch the whole thing. I was ready to turn it off about a third of the way through because a) I can imagine a guy (holy or not) being brutally tortured for two and a half hours on my own and b) I don’t WANT to think about it for that long. But Mary was captivating. Which I suppose means if I were ever to become Christian again I’d have to be Catholic.

Cheesiest moment: At the end, where the devil (who was pretty cool up until this point) is kneeling in some weirdass place — I suppose it was meant to be hell — howling. It just…eh. I had trouble buying the setting, and — I don’t know. I just wasn’t sold on it.

Wow, I didn’t mean to ramble on like this. I suppose the movie’s nothing if not thought-provoking. Sorry to everyone who read this far, but I’m too lazy to go back and edit out even the worst of the rambling.