Archive for October, 2002

October 2nd, 2002

» beneath you

I wanted so badly for him to be human; so badly that even as he approached the cross, even as we the viewer stood stained glass angels watching him beyond it, watching the long narrow aisle and their shattered hearts, even then I wanted him to touch that cross and be okay. We had seen the face of the demon but I said it was not him, not him, not with his too-bright blue and startling sanity. And I guess in a sense it wasn’t. And I guess after all it does not matter to me. What difference if his broken heart beat? A few shots in the sunlight, him weak as a kitten, his hard edge slowly softening. Perhaps he needs this old piece of himself, the old familiar strength of his fangs and his cold white skin. How else can he stand against hell?

That’s where Joss seems to be pointing, though cagey creator that he is I do not wholly trust his clues. I wonder what he has up his sleeve and I will not be surprised if the Hellmouth does open its strong fanged jaws to swallow them all. I regret again that I was not there for Dawn, that I never doubted her as I now doubt Wood, as I am suspicious of his motives and his double-intended smiles.

Spike falls forward into the arms of the cross and the moment before his thin skin smokes I hope. Then I think how pretty he is, how tragic and lovely. “Can we rest now, Buffy?” he asks. “Can we rest?” And then: He will die, I think. He will let go. There is nothing exactly to suggest it in this scene, but I am wary of Joss now, and I dread.